Fear and Sickness at 37000 feet the spring break tale

Ok so I just went down to Florida on a sort of spring break trip, although it was more to visit my Grandmother for her 90th birthday. The trip down was your normal trip, I hate to fly so I am always a bit nervous, I didn't have anything to take like a valium, horse tranquilizer or some such thing. I didn't even take a shot of vocka because it was an early flight and I don't drink in the daytime.So, I went down stone cold sober. The flight wasn't bad, I even had the seat next to me free on a full flight, I paid 50 bucks for a car service to take me to the airport, I had to have some luxury. As we got airborne, I tried to read the lips of the people on the T.V. being I had no headphones and didn't want to purchase any, even though they were a buck. The last hour of the trip was highlighted by the screaming baby two rows behind me and the little babies older sister who derived great joy from kicking my seat. I sat in stoic silence because that is my way. I wanted to turn around and yell at the small kid and berate the mother for raising this monster but of course I didn't. The kid wasn't that bad. The babies screams just cemented the notion in my mind that I don't want to ever have a kid of my own. The crying noise was going into my cerebellum and clawing it's way up into my central nervous system. By the time we landed I was fried and thank god we got to exit out of the back of the plane, which I did post haste.
I was meeting up with my father who I haven't had much contact with for many years. We just recently began to talk again but we were sharing a hotel room during our stay which I was a bit nervous about because I know he's an insomniac and doesn't sleep well. After getting raked over the coals for 80 bucks for a cab to my hotel, I it started to rain of course. It hadn't rained in Florida for a month and waited until just when I got there to open the flood gates. I hung out a while with pops. Had lunch in the restaurant where I immediately fell in love with the hostess, a gorgeous asian woman with olive skin and long black hair. The waitress read my mind when I needed my soda refilled and I then fell in love with her because there's nothing like a woman that can read a guys mind and know his soda needs and fulfill them right away. That's a keeper in my book.
Ok fast forward past the awkward moments with dad, having the father son talk many years too late, slightly bonding in a strange way. I hooked up with an old friend I haven't seen in about 13 years and I went out to party with him and his wife. I had a blast, we went to a club in Delray beach or was it Boca, I can't remember, Florida looks all the same to me, long flat rows of mini malls and developments with ritzy names like the polo club etc. etc. I had a blast and drank about four shots of grey goose and four or five coronas. I bonded with my friend and his wife who is one of the most fun, outgoing people I have encountered in some time. I had no game though and didn't meet anyone that night although I could have. I got mistaken by some guy for his softball friend, he turned out to be from Staten Island so that was funny. I watched the gorgeous girls salsa dance and move their hips, cleaned the drool from off my face and got home around 4 am. The next day after getting a little sun in between rain showers we went out again. Same people, different venue. This time we were in Lauderdale, in a place called America's Back Yard. A strange club scene inside where a Kurt Cobain lookalike wearing a strange sheet ensemble was belting out Nirvana like tunes to almost no one. Out back was where the party was. A big outdoor space with a huge circular bar. On top of the bar were gorgeous women wearing booty shorts and twirling hula hoops around, this was nirvana! I had attained a higher level of spiritual being, or was it the fourth shot of grey goose I ordered. When I then looked up after taking my shot I was looking up the miniskirt of a long legged brunette goddess who was bumping and grinding to a beastie boys jam. The guy next to me with his girlfriend was taking pictures up the girls skirt, I assume with his girlfriends approval, so I leaned over and gave him some shit and we laughed. I then talked to two blondes from Georgia, who were telling the black guy trying to dance with them that they were from St. Louis, they bummed cigs from me and dissappeared before I could talk to them more which was fine because they seemed to be kind of skanky, not that its a bad thing. We continued to jam out, with my friend wanting to go home but me and his wife had our own agenda and we kept the party going, we got some lemon drop shots, a watered down shot of grey goose in a plastic cup, (how lame is that) and we partied on. I was mesmerized by the music and the hula hoop girls and more and more girls dancing on the bar and booty shaking, the guy next to me kept spanking this girls butt and I had to lean over and say"man i'm jealous of you. Your my hero". To which he knowingly nodded the nod of someone that knows they are going to get laid later. Oh well. On and on the night went, a dazzling blur of corona bottles, booty shorts, dancing with my friends wife and hoping he didn't want to beat me up and scanning the crowd for interesting faces. My friend wanted to leave but we took a detour to the upstairs bar, ditching him in the process, not on purpose or was it? We ingested some more shots and did some hanging. I had to force my friends wife to leave when she started flirting with a group of middle eastern guys and started shouting, where's the weed at?!? Finally we got out of there and then off to home. My friends wife at this point was wasted, she weighs maybe 105 soaking wet and the last lemon drop shot put her out a bit. She began to cry in the car that she missed her grandmother who had died, I comforted her as best I could and she kissed me on the lips which I was a bit shocked by, but it was a gentle kiss and nothing more, I don't know if my friend saw, he seems to know her habits by now and there was no drama. When we got home he crashed out and me and his wife drank a bit more or at least I did, we you tubed songs from the past and songs we had heard that night and danced by their pool. I wanted to watch the sunrise but didn't quite make it. I collapsed at 5:30 exhausted and happy onto his couch. I was rudely awakened by something licking my ears and face, too bad it wasn't a girl, it was his doggy who I fell in love with also. The next day however was a nightmare as I got little sleep and then had to go meet my grandmother for her special dinner. I got into character in time however and was ok by dinner time, grabbing some sleep before. I then fell in love with our waitress, Jessica. A gorgeous olive skinned goddess who smiled and broke my heart. After a rousing meal and some shots to my fragile ego from family members, my uncle adjusted my wrists back at home and gave me a mini massage, he is a masseuse not some freaky old uncle type. Then off to the hotel to get ready to go home the next day. I had a beer with my father which was something i'd never done before, I guess it's never too late to do this shit right? On The flight home I was seated next to a neurotic woman who coughed the whole way home and was scared half to death of flying it seemed. Her husband was six foot four and couldn't get comfortable. At this point I had a horrible cold which I still have now, I could barely swallow. I was sunburned and on so much cough medicine and nose spray I thought my head was going to explode. Plus I had the hangover of all hangovers. I spent the first hour of the flight yawning to try to clear my ears and then passed out trying to lip read the T.V. screen which I didn't realize you had to turn on and which I thought was broken for the first hour of the flight. No hot stewardesses on this flight, it was an all steward flight and I think one of them liked me, which was fine but I didn't get an extra soda out of it or more blue chips which I am now hooked on. I fell asleep in my first row seat and woke up to see the two stewards staring at me. I must have been snoring or drooling or both because they were amused. By the time we landed I was a drooling, sunburned, under rested, mess of a human being who didn't have cab fare home. So it was on to the special train that takes you to the A train which then takes you home. The problem with this is you have to hike half way across the airport to get to it. At least they had moving sidewalks that got you there a bit faster. Then of course when I got there, I had no metrocard, so I got one, waited on the platform with no jacket because I didn't bring one and froze my ass off. I was just about to smoke a cig on the platform when the train came which I gladly got on and rode my sorry ass home. Ahh home, my cats looked at me as if to say, so your here big deal feed my ass and fuck off, great, thanks cats, I collapsed into my apartment and felt happy to be back in the city, but at the same time, missing those florida breezes, the clean smell of the flowers and yeah booty shorts and hula girls. Ahh the memories. I will be back again soon I hope, I didn't get to go to the keys which I have wanted to visit for many years. Maybe next trip.